Monday, May 31, 2010

Lesson 8: Dead Tree Gothics

"Come back, so that I may plant within you my seed!"
He's digging the grave for your freedom. Run!
The Tree of Life takes root at the Family Seat, and when our Gothic Romance Paperback heroine flees the ancestral pile into a wasteland of dead trees with broken branches, she becomes a rebellious anti-heroine, defying the social norm. The dead trees on these covers hint that Female does not equal Wife-and-Mother, and that some women would rather burn their brassieres in the barrens of a bachelorette apartment than bear heirs. 
Assignment: Why are dead trees called snags, and what kind of wild life do they attract?
For more snags see tumbler: Gothic Romance.

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Derek J - Hair God!

Miss Fleur (Black Mama) and I (White Mama) finally settled in to watch "Good Hair" last night and imagine my delight when my hair hero, Derek J, hit the screen. I nearly screamed - or maybe I did (Fleur?) Fleur told me he was on ATL Housewives but I never watch those shows - had I only known!

For my new readers not familiar with my "Tears, Shears, and Beauty" obsession (and I apologize for those old photos being deleted - a technical glitch and a damned shame) - Derek J is an Atlanta hair genius who was one of the contestants followed on the BET reality show that culminated in the giant Bronner Brothers Hair Show in Atlanta. This hair show is not to be believed. Maybe I can cover it as press? It's also the highlight of Chris Rock's film.

I won't spoil it for you as of course I want all of you to go and rent it as it's filled with brilliant moments, so I'll just leave you some of my favorite Derek J images. Oh please Derek, do my hair!

She came out carried by these men with Derek underneath, cutting her hair!

The result.

Derek's Show Boot
Derek's everyday footwear
The Man himself!

Friday, May 28, 2010

Dowager, Dowager, Down We Go

As my readers know, I just love The Telegraph's obits. My friend Eve was the one who first enlightened me to them, and what a dream job writing them would be. I wish they were compiled into one big book. Not everyone makes the obits. You have to have that special something. Screw an Oscar - a Telegraph Obit is the ultimate claim to fame.

Here we have Grand Duchess Leonida of Russia. It's a real delight! I've included just some of the things that make it an essential Telegraph obit.

Good breeding (this isn't always the case - they do love the odd celeb, but it always helps) combined with drama and good connections:

Her own ancestry was impeccable ... Fearing the same fate as Prince Alexander, Leonida’s father whisked his family abroad, returning to live in their ancestral home only two years later, in 1923. Quickly, however, the political situation became untenable, with harassment and arrests. In 1931 the writer Maxim Gorky, who had been encouraged by the Bagrations in his early life, helped Leonida, then 17, and the rest of her family to escape to Spain.

Make pompous declarations and give yourself titles, or marry someone who will

Though the Supreme Monarchist Council had decreed that Kirill and his brothers were barred from the succession, Kirill declared himself the “senior member of the Tsarist House and sole legal Heir of the Russian Imperial Throne”, insisting on the title “Emperor of All the Russias, which without possible doubt is mine”. Many Romanovs denounced him. But Kirill remain undeterred to the last, declaring in March 1938, six months before his death: “The hour of our national triumph is nearing. Under the Imperial Sceptre Russia will again live in quiet and peace.”

Issue Manifestos

Leonida gave birth to their daughter, Maria, the present Russian claimant, in Madrid on December 23 1953. In 1969, aware that they had no male heir, Vladimir issued a manifesto proclaiming his daughter as Curatrix of the Throne, causing further chagrin to the other Romanov claimants.

Dramatic Deaths of Spouses

On April 21 1992 the Grand Duke addressed 1,500 business leaders in Miami. At a press conference following the talk he slumped over in his chair, dying soon afterwards.
(Her first died in a concentration camp, but that didn't prevent her from inheriting his huge fortune.)

Become a Large Patroness

In widowhood Leonida, by then an impressive and large lady, lived mainly in Paris ... her main occupation in later life was charity work, particularly concerning orphans, invalids and elderly people, and the promotion of the arts.

Thanks, Eve. Obit courtesy of The Telegraph.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Camera Club Girls - Bettie Page and her Friends: The Work of Rudoph Rossi

The purveyor of Vintage Sleaze, Dim Tool Dim Bulb, Old Time Religion, and more cool blogs than I could ever think of, Jim Linderman, was kind enough to send me a review copy of his book:

Now, anyone that likes vintage sleaze and old time religion obviously has a lot in common with me, so this book is a delight to behold. The pictures are just marvelous - beautiful, saucy, dreamy, and delish. You can preview them here.
But there's more than just the photos. Camera clubs, if you don't know about them (and really, why would you?) were often secret and mostly informal. Photographer Rudolph Rossi took and hand-painted all of the photographs that you see in Linderman's book, giving them an otherworldly and often dreamlike quality. As Linderman says in the introduction, "What sets him apart is that he never capitalized on his work, never profited by selling it to magazines, never played a role in advocating for or against censorship, never forced his beliefs or aims on anyone else. This was his personal, private world, beautiful and exceptional as it was, and for that it matters more than all the digital dolls that parade across our screens every day."

Support independent publishing! Check out Jim's other books, including Gals Gams Garters, Shy Shamed Secret Shadowed Hidden, and more. See them all at his main blog, Dim Tool Dim Bulb.

Shoot Me Up

What can I say? Go here now.

Thanks, Darius.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

The Agony and The Ecstacy

A woman showing the after results of a cold wrap.
Photos: David E. Scherman, 1940

Milburn, the Dealer

"What's that white stuff in there?"

Milburn wants that Clampett money in any way he way he can get it!

Thanks, James See more sickness here.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

I Can't Get No

when in doubt, make up your own words!

I swear his says, "When I smoke my face," but that could just be me.

Monday, May 24, 2010

Lesson 7: Bad Trip Gothics

Her hippie caftan is spattered with blood, but she looks exultant, not scared. Is the Man in the Shadow named Charlie?
Frightening hairdos on both, and that outstretched arm surely awaits a raptor.
A junior high friend had an older sister who looked just like this girl — a sadistic slut who dosed us for laughs when Cathy and I were 13, then ODed on junk a few years later. Never accept Kool-Aid from a redhead!
The Gothic Romance Paperbacks I love the most are the ones that evoke those freaked-out days of the late 60s and early 70s when the zeitgeist was one giant bad trip, full of the scary acid rock my brothers constantly blasted (anyone remember DOA by Bloodrock?), Manson girls, and the most hideous fringed ponchos the world has ever known.
Assignment: What was your worst LSD experience and why? (If you don't own one, this can be someone else's you just heard about, like the bummer my friend Matt had, and climbed into a laundromat dryer to wait out.)
For more ominous hippies see tumblr: Gothic Romance.

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Lethal Music

"she beat them soundly and sent them to bed"

I don't know what I like more - nursery rhyme rock or the combover guitarist.

Friday, May 21, 2010

What Are You Wearing?

I always go to "Hillybillys in a Haunted House" for my fashion cues - don't you?

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Big Tinies

I have an affection for the larger, lovelier women. Especially large, black women who sing like hell and call themselves "Tiny." (Don't get me wrong - I love the ones that make no bones about it, like Big Mama Thornton and Big Maybelle.) Did you ever hear of Tiny Topsy?
You can have a listen here:

Want more? Go to Rockin' Daddy. He's a cool Gato de Espanol. Sorry, I only speak some French and Italian so I'm sure I got it wrong, but you get the point.

Tiny gonna whup yo ass.

It Continues ...


Shindig '65

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

He Blew The Scene

Everyone knows you don't do yoga in Beatle boots!

Yes. Elsa fucking Lanchester.


thanks Scandy

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Where I Live

... yes that is Dick Sargent!

Poor Old Johnnie Ray

Well ... he's not the only one. Look at this amazing photo. This whole blog is just mindblowing.

I have an unabashed love of Johnnie. For more, please go to TheHoundBlog. He's the one who sent me this pic.

Troy Walker

Saw him Sunday night in LA - see more here.
Special thanks to Allen "Charmin'" Larman, Charm School Headmaster, for turnin' me on to Troy - my new best pal! And be sure to tune in to Kat Griffin's new show, Madly Cocktail, Saturdays at 10AM on Luxuria! Kat once dedicated a song to me and my Junkyard dancing partner, "The Philly Dog," so heaven only knows what kind of hijinks she'll be up to on Luxuria...

Monday, May 17, 2010


Lesson 6: Stairway to Hell

Watch out for that hem! If you want to run down bumpy old stairs unscathed, this is the wrong outfit to wear.
As we saw in Lesson 5, staircases mean danger in the language of the Gothic Romance Paperback. If our inappropriately attired heroine doesn't tumble down them all by herself, some unseen malefactor will give her a helpful push. To straight-laced Little Miss Nobody trapped by a yawning eternity of respectable domesticity, a late-night trip down the staircase, though perilous, offers escape. She may reach the bottom without any broken bones, and the freedom of a Fallen Woman.
Assignment: Flight is to Stairs as Flee is to ... ?
For more Gothic Staircases, see tumblr: Gothic Romance.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

My Theme Song!

(audio only, no video)

Friday, May 14, 2010

I am The Countess of Fognessi

More Captcha madness - over at Shaker Heights, of course ...

and then this: I mean, really!

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Dowager Quarterly Has Arrived!

Yes, you are all long overdue an apology and if I could write you all one, you know I would.
Our dear Cool Cookie did the art so we are back to collaborative effort (oh, Muscato, I hope you are reading this ... somewhere.)

click to enlarge.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Daddy Lethal

(click to enlarge)
This one's for you Kevin - age 16 and 126 lbs!

How Do I Love Coco?

Let me count the ways.

Coco vs Melissa at 4:11.

Please Rush Me John, Tony, AND Jim!

Ad in a Jerry Lewis Comic Book. No joke.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Lesson 5: Gothic Romance Paperback Secrets

Stairs at purple angles = unease
Armorel rhymes with amoral
I don't know what the Bellenmore secret is, because I only salvage the husks of these Gothic Romance Paperbacks. The contents get pitched. Secrets only have power when you don't know them, so this keeps the covers potent.
Assignment: "The more the cover of a Gothic Romance Paperback tells you, the less you know." To what 20th century enigma does this statement allude?
For extra secrets go to tumblr: Gothic Romance.

Sunday, May 09, 2010

Tuesday, May 04, 2010

My boyfriend

Ever see his Minute Maid commercial?

Just a Magnet

my youtube recommend:

Monday, May 03, 2010

Lesson 4: Gothic Romance Paperback Blurbs

Bishop Sleeves are made for fleeing.
Deadly Charade
Betsy Vaughn, a beautiful young art expert, was hired by Mr. Dalton's secretary to appraise the valuables in the Dalton Mansion. But when she arrived at the looming house, she felt a dark foreboding she could not explain.
The servants warned her not to get involved in the strange doings of the house. But Betsy grew more and more curious ... until the full meaning of her perilous assignment confronted her in the guise of a woman's hollow laughter — an invitation to death!
I tried to read this book, like I try to read all of the Gothic Romance Paperbacks I find in thrift stores. But it was as difficult to plow through the boring interior as it was easy to be enticed by the thrilling blurb.
Assignment: The contents of Gothic Romance Paperbacks never, ever sustain the mysterious spell of their covers. Explain why this deception makes the trashy little things even more fascinating.
For more blurbs go to tumblr: Gothic Romance.

Sunday, May 02, 2010

Saturday, May 01, 2010

Tom's Pants

Mavis - he's talking about us!