When You're Drinking

I started compiling a list of all the things I used to do while drinking. You know, beauty tips, decorating tips, things like that. I haven't decided what to with them ... illustrate them? A little book? Graphic novel? (By the way, I got my first rejection letter for my book! I guess I got my wings, as the old saying goes.) Here's a few:

DRUNKEN BEAUTY TIPS

eyemask
i need my eyemask
but i can see
the slits of light.
i have an idea!
i will scotch tape it to my face.
then i can't see any light.
dammit i can still see light over the bridge of my nose.
eyemask on, where is the tape, here are my cigarettes, i am in bed, i have to get this right before i pass out.

bathroom

just sleep on the bathroom floor:
1. the tiles are cool you don't have air conditioning
2. you won't puke in the hallway on the way from bed
3. you can walk in the front door and go right in.
a capital suggestion! the fluffy pink rug is good. a pillow would be an obvious sign of defeat. sometimes the life size frank sinatra over the toilet scares me in the dark. must get night light.
4. big claw foot tub = can sleep in when drunk and sunburned.
5. that gold glitter i threw on the wet paint walls sometimes sticks to me, i must remember to find a good glitter remover.

Sunday Morning a Go-Go

Beautistry

no wonder she looks dazed.

Joan Blondell

for Gene

Anthony Newley: "Pop Goes the Weasel"

I shoulda popped my weasel about three years earlier than I did, but that's another story.

Happy Birthday, Keith Olbermann

I admit it, I have the hots for him. Not just because he's the only newscaster I'll watch along with Rachel Maddow, but because, well, he reminds me of George Fenneman. You know I have that NILF thing (GF sometimes wore glasses.) Yes, I had a crush on George when I was a kid. So what? I know TJB feels the same way.

Wrong Bed

Down and Out Dowagers

From where I'm sitting, it doesn't look so far off ...

Last Year Next Year This Year

John Roberts is a comic genius and at least two of my aunts (on my mother's side!)

Hanna and Betty: my former neighbors

The site of their apartment is now a giant condo monstrosity. Every evening I am sure to let Chester pee all over it. These are stories of my former neighbors that I wrote in 2006. I wonder where they are.

I've become friends with Hanna Bumbera and Betty Rumble. They're losing their apartment to yet another giant developer and will probably end up homeless unless they can get it together to find housing. Bumbera joked he was moving to Tijuana. Poor Betty just seems sad. She actually apologized to me for the way she looked the other morning. She had a can of beer in a brown paper bag and attempted to fix her hair. I told her not to worry and that we all looked bad "at this hour." Chester adores her and it makes me happy to see him give her kisses. She talks often about the two dogs she used to have and I wonder how she ended up this way. I gave her a big bag of clothes.

In the town of Valrock

Hanna BumBera and Betty Rumble sauntered towards me out of their alley. HB pointed to my dog.

"Big baby!"

"Yes, he's a big baby."

I looked and he had peed his pants.

D.O.A.

I stop to let Hanna Bumbera and Betty Rumble cross the street. HB is wearing an LA County Coroner's Sweatshirt. It has the logo on the back, which includes a chalkmark body outline. I doubt he knows how sickly hilarious this is, because even though it's before 11am, they are in bad shape. HB is looking less like Fred Flintstone and more like the Indian character that used to be on Big Wheels snack cakes. Colt 45 is nowhere to be seen. (Note: "Colt 45" is their occasional accomplice. He would sometimes pass out on the corner across from my building.)

Eddy Mitchell

Ask a Lethal Question

Okay, Jami, here goes. I found a gadget that lets you do this, and it's at the very bottom of the page. Since it's not customizable, (you can see the test question in there already) it lends itself as a free-for-all, something that control-freak me isn't that happy about. So here's a little test run.

Do It Debbie's Way

I used to work in a video store and we'd put this on for kicks. I swear there's a moment where Shelley yells out, "Who here slept with Marlon Brando?" but I did a lot of drugs in the 80s.) The rest of the exercisers? Oh ... Florence Henderson, Teri Garr, Virginia Mayo, Dionne Warwick and Terry Moore! I wish I still had Eve's review from Movieline. It is a work of sheer comic brilliance.

Note: the youtuber and Amazon note this as a 1990s release, but that's wrong - must be the re-release date. It came out in '83.
If you really want it, Debbie still sells VHS copies at her shows.

In Plain Wrapper

If you have checked all of the boxes, grab some chocolates and watch some Mandom ads.

MMMandom

Thanks, Mr. Sophistication

Name that Dowager!

Mr. Peenee, Felix, Thombeau, Muscato, __ and Donna Lethal prepare the houseboy tasks for the week.

'Susan Slade'

"Do you have to feel me to find out?"

Jeez, I wish I knew about this when I met Connie!

Idris Elba

Love him.

Queen Bitch

Who isn't one?

Lethal Pix

As some of you may know, I have a fairly nice selection of old beauty photos, manuals, glamour shots, Hollywood things, and the like. I also snap pix (pretty badly, I'm a writer with zilch technical ability; my friend Sheila used to laugh at what she called my "Barbie hammer,") of whatever I happen to stumble upon in and around Los Angeles. I used to put these on flickr, but they cracked down on my old beauty manuals' lack of copyright - I kid you not - despite my disclaimer and all. I tend to know about such things but what have you. Anyway, I'm moving them over, piece by piece, to Tumblr. Tumblr is all about reblogging and sharing, which I love. I have a feed over to the right that updates my images all day long so you don't miss anything and you don't have to reclick anywhere.

Many of you have seen this stuff already. So I don't bore you with a rehash, I shot this horror last night in Little Tokyo, Los Angeles. God only knows what it was referring to, and I certainly didn't want to find out.

Scorchy, and the Party

was Ernest Borgnine's 93rd. He joked about his secret:


I said to him, "Ernie, I was going to ask you, but I figured everyone else did." He laughed and said, "Why not? You should have! Ha ha!" in that great laugh of his. Then he gave me a big hug. What a guy! He's off to shoot a new movie with Bruce Willis.

I also got a chance to tell Connie Stevens how much I loved Scorchy! She told me she did her own stunts, and still has the white Corvette.



thanks, Megan

I'm Going to a Party ...

of a well-known masturbator. Any guesses?


No, it's not him! You know how much I hate him!


Ewww ... I wonder what kind of present he wants?


That's just sheer fantasy.

I'll keep you guessing.

Bye Bye Whore

Run, don't walk, to The Hound's post on Jackie Wilson today. Be sure to click here.


Keep your funky lice.

Marivalda

New obsession! We must learn all things Marivalda dublou Mansfield. Start here.

Thank you Señor Valdez.

R.I.P., Beverly Aadland

from ClevelandSGS's flickr.

He's a Rainbow

Diet Pills - Dr. Russell C. Henry/Photog: Robert W Kelley

Hair, There, and Everywhere!

See the rest at this fab website.

Thanks, Thombeau!

You Never Got Me Down, Ray

part of this movie is tattooed on my arm, in a small way.

I saw this with my father.

Is This the Superintendent?

Hell, you can have him. Karen shoulda pulled the trigger and kept the Pucci two-piece.

Gene Gene

I just love him. I fell for him when I was six and my aunts gave me their copy of "The Gene Pitney Story," which I would stare at for hours while listening to "Blue Gene," "The Boss' Daughter," and "Backstage." I met him when I was 20 - he walked up to me after one of his concerts, stuck out his hand, and said "I like your freckles." I was flabbergasted and probably stuttered. He finally walked away. What a gentleman!

Liar, Liar

Dig Sid Haig at the piano!
We all know who this one goes out to ...

Choices

My goodness! I've been away for a few days. I'm overwhelmed.

Wash it All Out

Carole Lombard relaxes in style.


A French company claims to have developed the world's first antidepressant shampoo, infused with phenylethylamine - the same natural compound said to give chocolate its aphrodisiac qualities - and theobromine, an alkaloid some say blocks stress and induces feelings of pleasure. Previously sold only overseas, Smiley shampoo is now available in North America through various U.S. retailers and online at happytherapy.com. The product also comes in the form of bath and shower gel, deodorant, tanning stimulator and unisex perfume. Read more here.

Thank you my darling clean Gene, shampoo King!

Smooch Whip

That Arthur sure has a vivid imagination. I sent him one of my favorite songs and look what he did! Note: definitely NSFW, if any of my readers do.

Qwveen