Saturday, May 31, 2008

MoreManIsm 101

MoreManism is our religion - Mavis and I invented it ourselves after finding other cults too focused on others. Why not? The only rituals you’ll have to attend are at places like the beauty salon, spa, or esthetician, and our sacred literature is easy to read - if you can’t find any copies of Princess Luciana’s books online (like we did, for only ONE PENNY!), just read any of the entries in PL category here … but, really, any old beauty book will do! And now with the discovery of the lost scrolls of Mr. Ray, we have even more inspirational reading for our canon.

Sacred MoreMan Saints include: Ava Gardner, Jayne Mansfield, Bette Davis, Big and Little Edie Beale, Serge Gainsbourg, Dean Martin, Elvis Presley, Kitty Carlisle, The Lady Reed, Criswell, and a few living saints, such as Tura Satana and Liz Taylor.

“The Gay Dolphin,” much like Ponce de Leon’s fabled fountain of youth, is our own font of wisdom, an oracle if you will, whose prophecies we have followed since first discovering its location some years ago.

You can learn about MoreManism through the following “educational” films: Faster Pussycat Kill! Kill!, Grey Gardens, The Wild Wild World of Jayne Mansfield, Boom!, The Barefoot Contessa, Blue Velvet, Female Trouble, Dolemite, and Beyond the Valley of the Dolls (a mere short list.) Also, some of the MoreManism philosophy can be found in any tv shows created by Paul Henning (Beverly Hillbillies, Green Acres), Bewitched, Gilligan’s Island (focus on Ginger), The Wild Wild West, Twin Peaks, Sanford and Son (any LaWanda Page eps!) or The Tom Jones Show, for starters.

Glossary:

NILF (Nerd in Large Frames) = Typically a be-spectacled, “nerd-type” that glamour gals fall for due to their vast knowledge, mild demeanor and keen wit. Examples:


MM and Arthur Miller
Ava Gardner/Lana Turner + Artie Shaw
Rita Hayworth + Orson Welles

Personal faves of Mave: Peter Sellers, Robert Q. Lewis, Jemaine Clement, “Artemus Gordon”
Personal faves of DL: Peter Cook, Buddy Holly, Michael Caine*, Keith Olbermann, Wally Cox.

*Not really a NILF but those Harry Palmer glasses are the hottest.

BoobIsm: See Ignatowski, Arthur and Abraham: “All Know the Way But Few Actually Walk It”